alright you guys have posted some pretty bad jokes on here but not one comes close to this doozy

brace yourselves

so there’s a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it’s a valuable resource to have. the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own. the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire.

the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. the knights in the second kingdom aren’t as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night.

in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.

the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. in place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom.

and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides




One of my pet hates is non-Indigenous people in settler-colonial states trying to promote solidarity with Palestinians by saying ‘imagine that what Israel’s doing in Palestine was happening in the USA/Canada/Australia/New Zealand.

I don’t need to imagine. It did happen in all those places.

That’s not justifying anything Israel’s done. Recognising that genocide and settler-colonialism have happened in other places isn’t minimising Palestinian suffering.

Totally, I see a lot of rhetoric which seeks to mark Israel out as exceptional, like it’s a rogue state - it’s not exceptional, it’s not an evil version of a ‘normal’ western state, it is acting exactly the same way as your country would behave, has behaved, is behaving. There’s nothing unique to Israel about imperialist genocide. In fact this kind of thing can often spill into anti-semitism, because if Israel is uniquely terrible, what is unique about it? It’s Jewishness is the only thing. The fact is that it is acting firmly within the parameters of acceptable behaviour for a self styled “liberal democracy”, and that those acceptable parameters allow for the mass murder of innocent people, always have.


into the flame, into the fire
with no regard for a thing, fuck that, I’m the lord of the game
I rule this empire

I am the god of hellfire!

Lord of the game
born to reign above all that you claim to know beyond a doubt
'cause no one has came even close to the train
of thought we drop like neutron bombs from the tower

Control this and bang this, then watch it rise higher
than anything seen in your entire
life spent in chains, sonic live wire
electrified rain from the lips of the driver


rusted-heart-syndrome asked:

I saw your comment about pro israeli or neutral... Tell me one thing though, I'm not trying to start a fight or anything, do you know that Hamas fires rockets each month, even during ceasefires, at Israeli and Palestinian civilians? Now I'm not condoning the killing of children, or anyone for that matter, but do you really think that it is ok for Hamas to target civilians each and every time they fire their rockets into Israel?

3liza answered:

you definitely are trying to start a fight.

israeli deaths from hamas rockets during the entire history of the conflict, as of 2012: 26 individuals [citation, Modoweiss]

palestinian casualties in the past ten days: 291 individuals, most of them civilians [citation, Reuters]

hamas rockets, which are usually one of the several “qassam” models, are crude projectiles assembled by hand in backyards and garages, aren’t very accurate (although newer models are moreso) and while they are capable of killing people (at a success rate of <0.217% [citation: Mondoweiss]), they are in no way comparable to israel and the IDF, which are fed an IV drip of cash and armament from the United States military industrial complex, at a much-touted rate of around 8 million us dollars per day [citation, PolitiFact, skeptical/fact-checking website—considers this an “accurate estimate”].

firing trash rockets indiscriminately into Israel is definitely a shitty thing to do. it is also not the apocalyptic threat that israel and pro-israel propaganda (most of it headed by evangelical christians in the USA, who have a vested interest in getting Israel squared away so the Rapture can happen. i’m not making this up, although, hilariously, israel’s behavior is starting to alienate even these die-hards) say it is.

reminder also that the IDF is blithely targeting fleeing children for missile strikes and then justifying it by calling them “human shields”. in front of dozens of international journalists [link contains multiple citations as well as descriptions of child death, warning]. some of the more militant cells in Palestine also claim to target civilians, so any claim of moral superiority by Israel is demonstrably ridiculous. what were these kids “shielding”, exactly? who knows man

the majority of Palestinian civilians polled in 2013 did not agree with attacking Israel. most in the same poll supported “nonviolent resistance”.

the majority of Israelis polled in 2014 support a two-state solution, but “almost a quarter are happy to sanction a binational state in which the Palestinians lack full rights.”

israel is so far up its own ass at this point that far-right Israeli protesters in Tel-Aviv are showing up in white supremacist/nazi t-shirts with stars of david replacing the iron cross motifs [Haaretz]. this particular gang of winners beat up some peace demonstrators, sending one guy to the hospital, before calling it a night.

that’s not even getting into the Israeli eugenics programs [Forbes]. or the fact that Israel adheres to the legal, technical definition of an apartheid state [LA Times]. but then, so does the United States (Jim Crow, First Nations genocide, and lol if you think this stuff is “over”)

lmao “self defense”